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On Tricia Nixon:

'The worst thing a little acid could do to Tricia Nixon is to turn her into a merely delightful person instead of a grinning robot.' — Grace Slick

When there's no more to be said on a subject you can be certain she'll still be saying it.

Dr. Johnson was approached by a man who was keen to introduce his brother to him.

'When we have sat together some time, you'll find my brother growing very interesting,' he said brightly. 'Sir, I can wait,' Johnson replied.

He's not the sort of man to trespass on your time — he encroaches on eternity.

Sheridan stopped a colleague who was about to re-tell a favourite story, saying:

'For God's sake don't, my dear Lauderdale; a joke in your mouth is no laughing matter.'

That man's so boring he couldn't even entertain a doubt.

On the nineteenth-century, Welsh, social reformer, Robert Owen:

'One of those intolerable bores who are the salt of the earth.' — Virginia Woolf's father. Sir Leslie Stephen.

You've only got to listen to him for a minute or two to realize why he's got such a wide circle of nodding acquaintances.

On a very thin bore:

'Sir, you are like a pin, but without either its head or its point.' — Douglas Jerrold

She has the knack of staying longer in a couple of hours than most people do in a couple of weeks.

On a business associate:

'He apparently has nothing to sell any longer but his own vast personal boredom.' — George Nathan

I must say that your argument is interesting up to a point—the point of departure.

On a leading man:

'He's fine, if you like acting with two and a half tons of condemned veal.' — Coral Browne

About the only thing you can say for his constipation of ideas is his diarrhoea of words.

'It may be doubted whether any man of our generation has plunged more deeply into the sacred fount of learning,' a pompous university professor told Abraham Lincoln, when they were discussing a well-known historian.

'Yes, or come up drier,' added Lincoln.

He's the sort of man you could lose in a crowd of two.

On yet another tedious eighteenth-century contemporary:

'That fellow seems to possess but one idea—and that is the wrong one.' — Dr. Samuel Johnson

He's the only man I know who brightens a room when he goes out.

W. S. Gilbert was enjoying a drink in his club one day when another member came up to him looking extremely annoyed.

'I've just been grossly insulted,' he said. 'I overheard one of that crowd saying that he would offer me £50 to resign my membership.'

'That's outrageous,' said Gilbert. 'You stick firm at a hundred and you'll get it.'


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