Seeing an exceedingly overdressed man parading up and down a London street one morning, Theodore Hook crossed the road and asked him respectfully:
'Excuse me, sir, may I ask if you are anybody in particular?'
The only reason he blows his horn louder than anyone else is that he's in a thicker fog.
On Margot Asquith's four-volume autobiography:
'The affair between Margot Asquith and Margot Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature.' — Dorothy Parker
Her dress emphasis seems to be on showing more of a lot of woman than a lot of style.
On the novelist, Hall Caine:
'Mr. Hall Caine writes at the top of his voice. He is so loud that one cannot hear what he says.' — Oscar Wilde
On James Whistler:
'Mr. Whistler has always spelt art with a capital "I".' — Oscar Wilde
The reason she reached the top is because her clothes didn't.
While one of J. M. Barrie's plays was running in London one of the principal actors fell ill and a younger member of the cast had to take his place. Realizing the opportunity which he had to make his name, the young man sent telegrams to all the leading agents inviting them to watch his performance. He sent one to the playwright too, reading simply:
'I play tonight.'
Few of the others bothered to reply, but Barrie sent a telegram to the theatre with the message:
'Thanks for the warning.'
Give him two glasses and he'll make a spectacle of himself.
Douglas Jerrold was dining with a group of friends on an occasion when sheep's heads were served as the main course. One of those present made no attempt to hide either his appetite or his appalling table manners. After he had been stuffing his face for several minutes he cleared his throat and said loudly to all present:
'Sheep's heads for ever, say I.' 'There's egotism for you,' said Jerrold.
He's the sort of man who thinks he knows it all and then promptly goes ahead and proves that he doesn't.
The wealthy film tycoon, Jed Harris, had a disconcerting habit of occasionally receiving visitors stark naked. However, when George S. Kaufman went to see him to discuss one of his plays he took Harris's eccentricity in his stride:
'Mr. Harris,' he told him, 'your fly is open.'
He's the sort of man who'll ask you a question, answer it before you can and then tell you what's wrong with it.
'You can pick out actors by the glazed look that comes into their eyes when the conversation wanders away from themselves.' — Michael Wilding