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Scene Stealing


During the widespread press publicity which surrounded the making of the Burton-Taylor epic, Cleopatra, Sir Laurence Olivier sent a telegram to Richard Burton which read:

'Make up your mind, dear heart. Do you want to be a great actor or a household word?'

He's the sort of man who will stick with his friends until debt do them part.

Mark Twain got into a conversation with a fellow Bos-tonian, whose reputation fell far short of his professed piety.

'I intend to go to the Holy Land before I die and recite the Ten Commandments on Mt. Sinai.'

'Really,' said Twain, 'and why not stay here in Boston and keep them.'

Any friend who isn't in need is his friend indeed.

On Catholics:

'Confession on Saturday. Absolution on Sunday. At it again on Monday.' H. G. Wells

She's the sort of girl who only remembers what she gives and forgets what she gets.

To an unmarried lady of very questionable virtue, who complained to him:

'Can you believe it, sir, some malicious acquaintances reported that I had twins.'

Lord Chesterfield replied:

'Madam, I make it a rule to believe only half of what I hear.'

She has no grudge about men who love and leave her as long as they leave her enough.

On a friend:

'She tells enough white lies to ice a cake.' Dorothy Parker

He wants to marry a rich woman who's too proud to let her husband work.

On the Russian novelist Fyodor Dostoyevsky:

'Dostoyevsky always repented in haste only to sin again at leisure.'

She'll talk her head off about confidences which she said left her speechless.

On Richard Nixon:

'He told us that he was going to take crime off the streets. He did. He took it to the damn White House.' Rev. Ralph D. Abernathy

He's the sort of man who pats you on your back in front of your face and hits you in the face behind your back.

'I never go to church,' a member of the local gentry boasted to the Bishop of Durham. 'Perhaps you've noticed that, Bishop?'

'Yes, I have noticed that,' the Bishop replied.

'I don't go because there are so many hypocrites who do,' the man continued.

'You shouldn't let them keep you away,' the Bishop assured him. 'There's always room for one more.'

He always forgets other people's favours and always remembers his own.

Two senators were drinking with Speaker Reed one evening when one of them announced self-righteously:

'I have not drunk whisky, played cards for money, or been to a horse race in twenty-eight years.'

'I wish I could say that,' said the other ruefully. 'Why don't you?' asked Reed. 'Choate did.'


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