, insults, insulting quotes & quotationswant to say something better than #!?~!*##!

random insult generator

How to swear in foreign languages

Return to the home page Contact site map & search
insult us

Knock Downs
Scene Stealing


Whistler was once asked by an American visitor where in America he had been born.

'In Lowell, Massachusetts,' he answered.

'Why, Mr. Whistler, whatever possessed you to be born in a place like that?' she asked.

'The explanation is quite simple, madam. I wished to be near my mother.' Whistler told her.

She makes it her business to find out everything that isn't her business.

'Now where in hell have I seen you?' a man in the street asked Archbishop Ryan when he recognized his face.

'From where in hell do you come?' the Archbishop asked him.

She collects more dirt using the telephone than most of us do with a vacuum cleaner.

'Are you Dorothy Parker?' a celebrity seeker asked the writer.

'Yes,' she replied, 'do you mind?'

She has a highly developed sense of rumour.

Henry Fielding, the famous eighteenth-century novelist, shared the same surname as the Earl of Denbigh. The only difference between them was that the novelist's name was spelt Fielding, while the Earl's was spelt Feild-ing. When they met on one occasion, his lordship asked Fielding haughtily why it was that his family spelt their name differently from that of his own family.

'I cannot tell, my lord,' Fielding replied, 'except it be that my branch of the family were the first that knew how to spell.'

She never listens to lies about people, providing that the truth is more damaging.

'No, Groucho's not my real name,' the actor told one prying enquirer. Tm just breaking it in for a friend.'

You want to watch her when you're speaking in confidence. She's the sort of eavesdropper that gets in your hear.

While he was rehearsing Murder in the Cathedral, Robert Donat went to a barber for a haircut. The barber knew that he hadn't been on the stage for several years and was asking him about his comeback as he was cutting the actor's hair. Suddenly Donat had a terrible coughing fit, which lasted for a couple of minutes.

'What will happen if you have an attack like that on stage sir?' the barber asked as Donat's convulsions subsided.

'There'll be no extra charge,' Donat replied.

He must have more inside information on his neighbours than their doctors.

Mark Twain's house was littered with the writer's books which were piled and scattered about in every room. All of Twain's friends had grown used to the state of chaos in which he lived, but one visitor asked him impertinently why he had allowed the situation to get so out of hand.

'Well, you see, it's very difficult to borrow shelves,' Twain told him.

A plastic surgeon could do almost anything for her nose except keep it out of other people's business.

To the woman who was put out that Groucho Marx didn't remember their earlier meeting, he replied:

'I never forget a face, but in your case I'm willing to make an exception.'

To the bore who comes up and asks: 'Hello, what's going on?' The most suitable reply is: 'I am.'


Copyright Notice - Email this page to a friend

Visit the site