A young girl confessed to Father Healey of Dublin that she was guilty of the sin of vanity.
'What makes you think that?' he asked.
'Because every morning when I look into the mirror I think how beautiful I am.'
'Never fear, my girl,' he said comfortingly. 'That isn't sin, it's only a mistake.
You can't really say that he's bald. He's just got a tall face that's all
On Henry James:
'The work of Henry James has always seemed divisible by a simple dynastic arrangement into three reigns: James I, James II, and the Old Pretender.' — Philip Guedalla
That woman's had her face lifted so many times that whenever she raises her eyebrows she pulls up her stockings.
Oscar Levant once asked the composer George Gershwin:
'Tell me, George, if you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?'
That woman always looks as if she's just stepped out of Vogue — and walked into a lamp-post.
The famous dancer, Isadora Duncan, once suggested to George Bernard Shaw that they should have a child.
'Imagine it,' she said, 'a child with my body and your brains.'
'Yes,' replied Shaw, 'but suppose that it had my body and your brains.'
The only reason anyone would call her a pussy-cat is that she's dyed nine times.
Amongst the many derogatory remarks that were passed on the Red Dean, Dr. Hewlett Johnson, was the charge that he spent rather too long admiring himself in the dressing-room of the vestry at Canterbury. On one occasion, when he'd kept the rest of the procession waiting longer than usual, one of the minor clerics remarked:
'He seems to think that he's a Narcissus, but he's only a Scarlet Runner.'
The American journalist, Ring Lardner, was sitting in a bar one evening when an actor he knew vaguely walked over to see him. The actor sported a magnificent mane of hair, which he tossed round his head as he walked through the crowd towards Lardner.
'How do you look when I'm sober?' Lardner asked as the man sat down beside him.
As usual she's all dressed up but with no face to go.
'A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.' — Helen Rowland
Having her face lifted hasn't worked. So she's thinking of having her body lowered instead.
On George Gershwin:
'Gershwin was the happiest man on earth. He was in love with himself and he didn't have a rival on earth.'
You're so good looking you ought to be offered a contract with Fifteenth Century Fox.