After one of his subjects had nearly driven him up the wall with her non-stop chatter, Max Lieberman, a famous Berlin artist silenced the woman with the waspish remark:
'One more word out of you and I'll paint you as you are.'
It's obvious that I can't get through to you. You have a sound-proof head.
'Dr. Person, my opinion of you is most contemptible,' a colleague once told the famous academic.
'Sir,' Porson retorted, 'I never knew an opinion of yours that was not contemptible.'
There was a time when they swore to love each other— nowadays though they just love to swear.
An Irish peer, who was as tall as Dr. Busby, the headmaster of Westminster School, was short, said to his diminutive colleague:
'May I pass to my seat, O Giant?'
'Pass, O Pygmy,' said Busby, making room for the man.
'I was only referring to the size of your intellect,' said the Irishman.
'And I to yours,' said Busby.
They've been like a couple of love-birds all their married life—always flying at each other.
'My dear sir, imagination is not, believe me, a mere capacity for failing to grasp what you have not yourself experienced.' — John Galsworthy
Their marriage is a patched up affair thrown together with household scraps.
'Doctors make mistakes sometimes,' the barrister said accusingly to the doctor in the witness-box.
'Yes, just as lawyers do.'
'But doctor's mistakes are buried six feet underground.'
'Yes, but lawyers mistakes may swing in the air.'
Whenever I see them they're holding hands—if they let go they'd be at each other's throats.
On gossip columnists in Hollywood:
This is the only industry that finances its own blackmail.'
During a court case the judge had to reprimand one of the barristers several times for disobeying his instructions. The barrister in question had a reputation on the bench for his rudeness and eventually the judge spoke to him again sternly.
'I can teach you law,' he said, 'but I am afraid I cannot teach you manners.'
'That is so, my Lord,' replied the barrister.