chat up lines and their put downs
you get out of the bath to go to the toilet?
No need - I bathe in the toilet.
you like my new jacket?
It's great. Shame your body doesn't suit it, though.
you take the washing-up out of the sink before you piss into it?
No. Nor after.
you want to know why I'm feeling sad?
There's no reason, you're just sad.
I seen your face before - on a police poster?
Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have
to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.
you're not much of a looker, but I'll have you.
Thanks. You must be very open-minded. Was that how your brain
love your crazy hair - it looks like you've got grass growing
out of it.
That's odd - I planted tulips.
may be a bit of an eyesore, but beauty is only a light switch
You owe me a drink: you're so ugly I dropped my glass when
I saw you.
think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
forgotten your name but I'll never forget your face. I'm reminded
of it every morning when I hop on the back of the bus.
Why would you hop on a bus? Wouldn't it be easier to use both
be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
I have a drag on your fag?
That's ironic - actually I am a fag in drag.
if I plug my laptop into your modem socket?
Isn't amazing how small they can make them, these days?
guys are like public toilets; either vacant, engaged or full of
crap. Which are you?
Er, could you repeat the question?
talk to me so that creep over there will leave me alone.
I just said that to someone about you.
if I'm dribbling, but I had to get drunk before I could come and
talk to you.
It's funny how pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
happened to your face? Do you step on rakes for a hobby?
No, I impersonate you.
would you say is my best feature?
Your ornamental pond.
you go crazy if I went out with you for a couple of months and
then left you?
I'd go crazy if you went out with me for a couple of months
and didn't leave.
and me would look sweet together on a wedding cake.
Only once you'd been cut in half.
bring me out in a hot sweat.
You bring me out in an allergic rash.
don't sweat much for a fat lass.
I will when I start running away from you.
look like you haven't changed your shirt in a fortnight.
That's impossible - I've only had it a week.
make me drunk with passion, intoxicated with love, and inebriated
Are you absolutely sure it's got nothing to do with the ten
pints you've drunk tonight?
make me melt like ice cream, you make me boil like a kettle, and
you make me gurgle like the morning after a curry.
You need medical attention.
face is familiar - I might even say commonplace.
Yours must have been limited edition - limited because no
one else wanted one like it.
just my type - you're a girl.
I'm just my type as well, I'm afraid.
very attractive even though if you were any more vacuous your
head would implode.
If you were a little bit more intelligent you'd still be stupid.
got everything a man could want: teeth, hair, moustache . . .
All I lack is your charm and subtlety.