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Cliche chat up lines and their put downs

CATEGORIES
Bit Mean...
Blatant Innuendo...
Can I...
Clichés...
I'm a...
Miscellaneous...
Short & Sweet...
Trying it on...
Trying to be Romantic

Are you free tomorrow night?
No, but I'm on special offer the day after.

Are you separated?
No, it's just the way I walk.

Can I buy you a drink?
I would think so - why don't you ask the barman?

Can I buy you a drink?
I'd rather just have the cash.

Can I have your name?
Why - haven't you already got one?

What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this? Hey, don't I know you?
Not yet. Ask me another.

What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Trying to avoid you.

Where have you been all my life?
What do you mean - I wasn't even born for the first half of it.

Can I have your phone number?
No, but you can have my dialling code.

Can I spend the evening with you?
I gave up baby-sitting years ago.

Can you give me your name, please?
I don't think 'Melissa' would suit you.

Cheer up darling, it may never happen.
It just has.

Do you know what would look good on you?
No?
Me.

Do you mind if I smoke?
I don't care if you burn.

Excuse me, aren't we related?
No, and I don't want to be.

Going so soon?
Stay a minute and let me get you a drink.
Just give me the cash - I'll get one later.

Have you got a problem with that?
No, only with you.

Hey, don't go yet . . .you've forgotten something.
What?
Me.

How would you like my eggs in the morning?
Fertilised, please.

How would you like your eggs in the morning?
Unfertilised, mate. Go away.

I have designs on you.
I think you'd better go back to the drawing board.

I love you.
I love chocolate, but I wouldn't bother chatting it up.

I never forget a face.
Neither do I, but in your case I'll make an exception.

I'd like to marry you.
I'd rather skip straight towards the divorce.

I'd like to run my fingers through your hair.
Yes please - you can wipe the lice on my sleeve.

I'd like to see more of you.
There isn't any more of me.

I'd like to take you to dinner.
Sure - can you pick me up again afterwards?

I'm sure I could turn you on.
You couldn't even turn on a radio.

I'm sure I've noticed you before.
I'm not sure I've even noticed you yet.

I'm thinking of giving celibacy a try.
Not with me, you're not.

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
No, it's a gun.

Isn't it boring here?
Do you want to go somewhere else?

Kiss me and I'll tell you a secret.
I know your secret - I work at the clinic.

May I have the pleasure of this dance?
No, I'd like some pleasure too.

May I introduce myself?
Certainly - try those people over there.

My body's like a temple.
I'd have said it was more like an amusement park.

My friend fancies you.
You just keep your friend in his underpants, out of trouble.

My friends told me all about you.
What friends?

Shall I tell you my name?
Why?
So you'll know what to scream.

Shall we go all the way?
Yes, as long as it's in different directions.

Shall we go to your place or mine?
Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Shall we introduce ourselves?
I already know myself. What about you?

Very nice gear you've got on.
Yeh, and it's staying on.

When can we be alone?
When we're not with each other.

When should I phone you?
Whenever I'm not there.

When will we meet again?
In another life, I hope.

Where can I find mutual love?
At the beginning of a tennis match.

Where can we go from here?
I don't care, so long as you go first.

Will you call me pretty soon?
I doubt it - you're not pretty now and I'd be surprised if that ever changed.

Will you come out with me on Saturday?
Sorry, I'm having a headache at the weekend.

Women say I have the gift of the gab.
Wrap it up, then.

Would you accept if I were to ask you out?
Accept what - defeat?

Would you like another drink?
Do you really think our relationship will last that long?

Would you like to come for a drink with me next week?
I'm not thirsty.

Would you like to come for a meal with me next week?
I've eaten.

Would you like to come for a meal with me?
No thanks, I'm anorexic.

Would you like to come to bed with me?
I've got an electric blanket.

Would you like to join me?
Why, are you falling apart?

You look good enough to eat.
What a shame you need to diet, then.

You really set me on fire.
Oh good, I didn't think I used enough petrol.

You seem to me like a sensible girl.
That's right - I won't go anywhere near you.

You'd look good in anything but the mirror.
At least I've got a mirror.

Your face is absolutely perfect.
So is yours . . . for radio.

Reproduced by kind permission of Summersdale Publishing Ltd.

Summersdale have a wide range of humour books available at Amazon - click here to view "Bumper Book of Chat Up Lines"


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