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Romantic chat up lines and their put downs

CATEGORIES
Bit Mean...
Blatant Innuendo...
Can I...
Clichés...
I'm a...
Miscellaneous...
Short & Sweet...
Trying it on...
Trying to be Romantic

Am I lost? I thought paradise was further south.
Yes, you should have turned left at the roundabout, then take the second right. You can't miss it.

Am I the first person who has ever tried to seduce you?
You could be - your face looks familiar.

Am I the light of your life?
No, you're far too dim.

Am I your dream come true?
I don't know yet. Go and stand in the road with your eyes closed, and we'll see.

Are your legs tired? You've been running through my mind all day.
Yeh - I was looking for a brain cell.

Can I have directions?
To where?
To your heart.

Can you tell me the time, because I want to make a note of the moment we first met?
I'll give it to you twice, because it's also the moment we split up.

Didn't we meet in a past life?
Yes, and I wouldn't shag you then, either.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past you again?
Get yourself some sturdy walking boots.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
No.
We could make beautiful music together.
I'll just fetch my earplugs, actually.

Do you believe in magic?
I used to, until I realised I can't make you disappear.

Do you know where we are?
Why?
Because I'm lost in your eyes.

Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
No. It was just bad luck.

Do you think you could fall for me?
Only if you pushed me.

Every time I come here I've seen you. I'd like to know more about you.
So would the police.

Forgive me for being so forward, but I think I love you.
Come back and see me when you're certain.

God must have cried when you left heaven.
Yes, and he held a huge party when you left.

God ordered me to come to you.
What's He up to? That's the fifth one this week. I've sent all the others back.

Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?
Yes, loads of people.

Have you ever experienced puppy love?
No, only pigeonholing and monkey-spanking.

Hello, you don't know me, but I've just come back from the future in which you and me have the most passionate love affair. And it started tonight, actually.
And I've just come back from even further in the future where I found out that we're brother and sister, so let's change history, shall we?

How can I prove my love for you?
In a court of law.

How did you get to be so beautiful?
I must have been given your share.

I could get lost in your eyes.
That's conjunctivitis, it makes them a little foggy.

I could make you the happiest woman on earth.
Why, are you about to go into space?

I had no idea I would ever meet someone like you in here.
I had no idea they would ever let someone like you in here.

I saw your face in the reflection of the moonlight on the lake last night.
No you didn't.

I think I could make you very happy.
Why, are you leaving?

I would like to taste the salt of the ocean on your lips.
Why don't you just eat a winkle?

I'd go through anything for you.
Great, the exit's just over there.

I'd go to the ends of the world for you.
Yes, but would you stay there?

If I kissed you I'd go weak at the knees.
That's probably because I'd have just given you a good kicking.

If I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
No, I'd just hit you.

If love is a drug, I'm addicted to you.
I recommend cold turkey.

If you should happen to fall in love with me,I'll be waiting for you.
If I ever get that desperate I won't be worth waiting for.

If you were a building you would be Versailles Palace.
And you'd be a shed.

If you were food, you'd be caviar. If you were a word you'd be serendipity. If you were a car you'd be a Rolls Royce.
If you were a real man I might stay and talk to you.

I'm afraid I'm an incurable romantic.
Well, you're incurable, that's for sure.

I'm learning to be an artist and I'd like to paint you.
Sure, what colour?

Is your daddy a thief?
No.
Then how did he steal the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes?

Is your daddy a thief?
Yes.
Can he get me a cheap video?

I've always been fascinated by beautiful women. Mind if I study you?
Let's make it a joint project: I've always been fascinated by ugly men.

I've always believed in love at first sight.
So did I - until I met you.

I've seen your beautiful face before, I'm sure.
Yes, I'm a friend of your wife's.

I've waited all my life to meet you.
Stuck at the back of the queue, were you?

Life has been empty without you.
I'm not letting you fill me up.

My stars said I would meet the woman of my dreams tonight.
I'll go and see if I can find her for you.

My yacht is stranded here for a few days until the weather improves. Want to keep me company on it?
That depends on the size of your tender.

Save me - I'm drowning in a sea of love!
Tough, I can't swim.

Seeing you makes my heart beat uncontrollably fast.
The sight of you gives me heart burn.

Shall I open the door for you?
I'd rather you waited until we land.

There's a woman like you in my dreams every night.
I hope she can swim.

There's something on your face,I think it's beauty. Let me try and get it off. . . oh, it's not coming off.
Beauty shares the same characteristics as my bra. It's not coming off.

This is an amazing coincidence . . .I'm single on the day that we meet for the first time.
You'll still be single if we ever meet again.

Try imagining you're in love with me.
My imagination doesn't stretch that far.

What would you say is the best thing about being so gorgeous?
Not being expected to talk to ugly people like you.

When I look at the stars I see your eyes. When I look at a flower I smell your perfume. When I look at the sun I feel your warmth.
When I look at a cow I see your bullshit.

When I look at you,I know I've caught the love bug.
It's a pity you weren't inoculated.

When I roll across my satin sheets at night, the sound reminds me of you.
What, while I'm eating a packet of crisps?

You make my heart skip a beat.
Only one? l was banking on a cardiac arrest.

You take my breath away.
I try, but you keep on breathing again.

You're the one I've been waiting for all my life.
Let's hope you die young.

You're very pretty, but your eyes indicate you've had a sheltered life.
They've only been sheltering from you.

You've got such a heavenly body that I've named a star after you.
By the look of your body I wouldn't be surprised if someone had named a bouncy castle after you.

You've got the face of an angel.
And you've got the face of a saint - a Saint Bernard.

Where did you get those big blue eyes?
They came with my face.

With you I've finally found what I've been looking for in life.
With you I've finally lost it.

Would you like to come to a hilltop with me next week to watch the return of a comet that hasn't been visible for the last thousand years?
I've seen it

You have the bluest eyes I've ever seen.
Thanks. I only had them resprayed yesterday.

You know what I like most about you? All of you.
That's great, because I'm an all or nothing sort of person, and with you it's nothing.

You know, being a millionaire can be pretty lonely without someone to share it with.
I'll share your money with you, if you like.

Reproduced by kind permission of Summersdale Publishing Ltd.

Summersdale have a wide range of humour books available at Amazon - click here to view "Bumper Book of Chat Up Lines"


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