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Insulting, rude & funny expressions


As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium

As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike

As useless as a carpet fitters ladder

As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse

He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

He couldn't manage to fart on a diet of baked beans

About as much use as a one legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen lake

As much use as mudguards on a tortoise

As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition

As much use as Captain Hook at a gynaecologists convention

As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat

He couldn't direct a turd down a toilet

He's that useless he couldn't tell the difference between a pile of shit and a pudding


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