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Social Insults

Asked whether he had ever been invited to stay at a particular country house, Sir Thomas Beecham replied:

'Yes, I spent a month down there last week-end.'

Her parties are always ghastly. You could have heard a pin drop at the last one I went to.

On an American hostess of the 1890's:

'Poor woman, she tried to open a salon, but only succeeded in opening a saloon.' Oscar Wilde

You can always pick him out. If you see two people talking and one looks bored stiff, he's the other.

Lord Chesterfield accompanied Voltaire to a ball in London while the French writer was on a visit to England.

Voltaire was the centre of attention and one glamorous lady, caked in make-up, made a bee-line for him.

'Sir, take care that you are not captivated,' Chesterfield told him.

'My Lord. I scorn to be taken in by an English craft in French colours,' said Voltaire.

He's the sort of man who deprives you of your privacy without providing any company.

'I've had a wonderful evening,' Groucho Marx told one Hollywood hostess as he left her party. 'But this wasn't it,' he added.

Give her half a glass and she'll let the chat out of the bag.

A famous Hollywood producer was eager to sign up John Barrymore for his next film. He rang the star personally and asked him to have lunch the following day. Barry-more refused his invitation though, saying:

'I have a previous engagement which I shall make as soon as possible.'

He comes to any party dragging his tales behind him.

Beau Brummell was invited to stay at a mansion in the south of England, by a family of whom he had a very low opinion. His worst fears were realized when he sat down to his first meal there. In spite of their best endeavours the quality of the food and wine was not to his liking, so much so that during one break in the conversation he held up his champagne glass and called to the butler:

'John, give me some more of that cider will you?'

Poking one main course in front of him with his fork. Noel Coward remarked:

'Delicious fodder. But I think a grave has walked over this goose.'

He's the sort of host who not only makes his guests feel they are at home, but makes them wish they were there too.

The legendary encounter between Margot Asquith, wife of the Liberal Prime Minister and Jean Harlow produced this notorious exchange.

'Margot, how lovely to see you,' said the actress stressing the final 't' in the peeress's name.

'No. dear.' Lady Asquith told her icily, 'the "t" is silent as in Harlow.'

She's easily offended by others talking when she's interrupting.

'Hello, Alex, you remember me, don't you?' said a loudmouthed man to Alexander Woollcott.

'I can't remember your name,' the critic told him, 'but don't tell me.'

 


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