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Urbane Insults

Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to William Strahan which read:

'You and I were long friends; you are now my enemy, and I am

Yours B. Franklin

She's the sort of woman who understands perfectly how to make feminine capital out of masculine interest.

Whistler was dining in a restaurant in France when he overheard an Englishman at a nearby table having some difficulty in making his order clear to the waiter.

'May I help you?' Whistler asked politely, only to be rebuffed by the man who maintained that he could manage perfectly well on his own.

'I fancied contrary just now,' said Whistler, 'when I heard you desire the waiter bring you a pair of stairs.'

She has luxurious black hair and she wears long-sleeved clothes to hide it.

The late Gilbert Harding met Noel Coward in the foyer of the theatre in which he had just dropped off to sleep during one of Coward's plays. He was making his apologies to the playwright when Coward cut across him saying:

There's no need for you to apologize at all. After all, I've never bored you half as much as you've bored me.'

She has two lovely eyes. It's such a shame they don't match.

W. S. Gilbert hurried backstage after watching a disastrous performance by an actor friend. Finding the man sitting dejectedly in front of his mirror, Gilbert slapped him on his back saying:

'My dear fellow good isn't the word.'

She's the sort of girl born with the gift of the grab.

Sir Fletcher Norton was notorious for his discourtesy both in court and outside. On one occasion Lord Mansfield, presiding over a case dealing with the status of two country manors, was able to get his own back on the insolent barrister.

'My Lord, I can illustrate the point in an instance in my own person,' said Norton, offering to explain some point of law. 'I myself have two little manors.'

'We all know it. Sir Fletcher,' said the judge.

The only way to describe her is fair to meddling.

On the novelist George Meredith:

'Who can define him? His style is chaos illuminated by flashes of lightning. As a writer he has mastered everything except language; as a novelist he can do everything except tell a story. As an artist he is everything except articulate.' Oscar Wilde

Poor girl, the only man she's ever had at her feet is a chiropodist.

On an actress playing the part of Queen Victoria:

'Her Victoria made me feel that Albert had married beneath his station.' Noel Coward

If he saw himself as others see him he'd never speak to them again.

On a lady of dubious reputation:

'Mme. de Genlis, in order to avoid the scandal of coquetry, always yielded easily.' Talleyrand

 


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