On American sports commentator, Howard Cosell:
'In the next issue of Cosmopolitan, Howard Cosell will be the centrefold with his vital organ covered — his mouth.' — Burt Reynolds, former Cosmopolitan centrefold.
In his opinion, love is just a passing fanny.
Asked what she thought of a fellow actress, Sarah Bernhardt replied:
'She's a great actress — from the waist down.'
When I asked if she was free that evening I didn't expect her to reply: 'No, but I'm reasonable.'
On Lord Hailsham, after his censure of John Profumo:
'From Lord Hailsham we have heard a virtuoso performance in the art of kicking a fallen friend in the guts . . . When self-indulgence has reduced a man to the shape of Lord Hailsham, sexual continence involves no more than a sense of the ridiculous.'
That girl's been in more laps than a table napkin.
When the tuba player in an orchestra he was rehearsing committed the double sin of playing the wrong note and giving it a deep shake. Sir Thomas Beecham stopped conducting and said to the man:
'Thank you, and now would you pull the chain.'
Watching her at a disco is seeing the vertical expression of a horizontal idea.
When Dorothy Parker was told that a friend had broken a leg while on a visit to London, she commented that she'd probably done it:
'Sliding down a barrister.'
If you're not careful you'll find that he turns out to be the time of your wife.
On Algernon Swinburne:
'. . . a man standing up .to his neck in a cesspool, and adding to its contents.'
Every time she's taken out she takes him in.