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Marriage Insults

Here lies my wife. Here let her lie! Now she's at rest, And so am I.
John Dryden (1631-1700), English poet, (proposed) 'Epitaph for his Wife'
I bequeath all my property to my wife on the condition that she remarry immediately. Then there will be at least one man to regret my death.
Heinrich Heine (1797-1856) on his wife
If you're afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
Anton Chekhov (1860-1904)
It is embarrassing how he harps on his wife's dimensions: brave little heart, noble little creature, indomitable little soul - he only just stops short of 'wee cowering crimson-tippit Beastie.'
Sylvia Townsend Warner (1893-1978) on Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead if four.
Samuel Butler (1835-1902) on Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
Marriage - a friendship recognised by the police.
Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-94) on marriage
Marriage is a desperate thing. The frogs in Aesop were extreme wise; they had a great mind to some water, but they would not leap into the well, because they could not get out again.
John Selden, English historian, in Table Talk (1689)
She was a prymerole, a piggensye, For any Lord to leggen in his bedde. Or yet for any good yeman to wedde.
Geoffrey Chaucer (c. 1343-1400), English poet
The majority of husbands remind me of an orang-utan trying to play the violin.
Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)
The music at a wedding procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers going into battle.
Heinrich Heine (1797-1856)
Unfaithful bitch! Messalina! Medusa! Gorgon!
Roman Emperor Claudius (10 BC-AD 54) on Valeria Messalina, his wife
You might people a colony with her; or give an assembly with her; or perhaps take your morning walks around her, always providing there were frequent resting places and you are in rude health. I was once rash enough to try walking around her before breakfast, but only got half way and gave up exhausted. Or you might read the Riot Act and disperse her; in short, you might do anything with her but marry her.
Revd Sydney Smith (1771-1845) on the news that an acquaintance was to marry a very overweight woman.


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