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How to be Insulting on Ferries

The duty may be free on board this hulk but that's just about all that is, except for the abuse from the crew.

Would you mind terribly asking your child to be sick over your feet instead of mine?

I can see that the ship's rolling, but I'd have had greater success getting a double out of that optic, if I'd been rolling myself.

I know that the idea of leaving the old country makes you feel a bit reluctant to go, but we've only got a fortnight, so would you kindly pull your finger out and get a move on, before we end up back in Folkestone?

Just because I'm one of the few people not driving one of your foreign cars, that doesn't mean that I have to put up with being treated like an illegal immigrant. If I want to go in forwards I'm damned well going to go in forwards. Knowing your lot, they would probably book me as soon as the back wheels touched French soil, if they saw me coming off backwards.


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