How to be Insulting to an Orchestra
Sir Thomas Beecham was conducting an orchestra one morning when neither the players nor their instruments were at their best. After suffering the din for several minutes he stopped them playing and said:
'Gentlemen, it sounds like an Eisteddfod.'
Bernard Shaw was lunching in a London restaurant one day when the resident orchestra was serenading the diners. During the meal he was handed a note from the conductor, who had noticed the distinguished client, and wondered whether he would like to request the orchestra to play anything in particular. Shaw wrote his reply on the back of the message and sent it back to the conductor, suggesting that they ought to play 'Dominoes'.