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How to be Insulting about Uniforms

They had been antagonists since their schooldays. Their enmity had not lessened at Cambridge. And throughout their respective careers they jealously watched each other rise to the peak of their professions as admiral and bishop. They hadn't met for over thirty years, but when they found themselves standing side by side at King's Cross, resplendent in the attire of their offices, they recognized each other at once.

'Excuse me, porter,' said the bishop, 'is this train bound for York?'

'Yes,' replied the admiral curtly, 'but should you be travelling in your condition, madam?'

Robert Benchley came out of a New York hotel and asked the man in uniform outside to call him a taxi.

'I'm sorry,' the man told him, 'I happen to be a rear admiral in the United States Navy.'

'Fine,' said Benchley. 'Get me a battleship then.'


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