How to be Insulting about Vital Statistics

They say that you can do almost anything with statistics but I defy you to do anything with hers.

When that woman told me her statistics I didn't believe her. Either she used an elastic measuring tape, or she was using different units.

She's the sort of woman who you only see travelling down escalators. They grind to a halt when she tries to go up.

She lost six pounds last week and promptly put on ten celebrating the achievement.

She has trouble dieting. One expert recommended a strict fourteen-day diet. But she ate it all at one sitting.