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How to be Insulting in Garages

Use the airline to inflate your dinghy and then buy a torch battery or a Mars bar.

Lift the bonnet to check the oil in your car and top up the engine with oil from a can in your boot.

Pour the distilled water meant for batteries into your windscreen washer bottle.

When you go to collect your car after the service, take the check-sheet and crawl around underneath to make sure that everything's been done.

When you're thinking of buying a car from a dealer ask to have it checked by one of the driving associations.

Check your tyre pressures and oil level again after the assistant has finished.

Disconnect your radio before putting your car for a service, or, if it plays cassettes, record a rude message on one of them asking the mechanic not to fiddle with the radio and to leave the car looking as clean as when you brought it in.

Use the bucket and sponge provided for washing windscreens to wash your whole car.

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