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How to be Insulting in Hotels

Watch television until close-down.Then pop in your earplugs and switch the radio on to play all night while you sleep.

Hang your bedding out of the window every morning, especially if it's raining.

Call room-service last thing at night, when the kitchens have just been locked, and ask for a cheese sandwich and a glass of fresh milk. Make sure that you leave them untouched and conspicuous the next morning.

If you have to get up early do it with the maximum amount of noise. Run a bath loudly and sing in it.

Leave as many pairs of shoes outside your door as you can muster, especially if some are caked in mud. Try leaving your Wellington boots outside the door too.

If you're staying in a hotel for a business conference, sneak out after everyone has gone to bed and place several pairs of men's shoes outside the doors of the single women staying in the hotel, but leave one of them with no men's shoes outside it.

Dominate the Residents' Lounge, either by watching the channel that no one else wants to watch, by pretending to fall asleep and snoring loudly, or by playing noisy games with your children or another guest.


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