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How to be Insulting at Work

Never arrive on time, but never arrive so late that it gives anyone cause to sack you. A minute is all that's needed.

In open-plan offices where everyone else is trying to work quietly, try to make as much noise as you reasonably can.

Never appear excited or upset when called in to see the boss. If the meeting is planned in advance, make sure you wear your best, neatly darned, threadbare old clothes, and well cared for, but tired, old shoes. There's no point in saying you're underpaid if your appearance can say it all for you.

Always be the first at coffee-break and take more milk than you should, if it's in short supply, so that someone else has to go without.

If you work with people who insist on removing their jackets while they work, open the windows to let in a little fresh air but leave your own jacket on.

Take lunch-hours that are least convenient with the people you want to insult. If you're on any form of flexitime, bend it to suit your purposes, so that if someone needs to be there to cover your absence, they have to be there over lunch.

Don't go to the office party at Christmas.

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